I'm sitting in back of a conference right now, trying very hard to not cry my eyes out. As one who has recovered (as much as one is able) from TBI, this was taking my own experience and putting it into words I didn't have, as I am not a writer. Thank you for sharing this. I am glad you're doing better, and am so glad to see you improving. I hope you are able to find a comfortable place in yourself that allows you to continue sharing your brilliant brain with us.
I don't know if you mentioned it and I missed it or if you are specifically not mentioning it for legal reasons, but if you haven't made a claim against the owners' property insurance, I would encourage you to look into it. I had a coworker whose adult child basically had to sue her to get insurance to pay for medical expenses when her grandson fell on her property and experienced a TBI.
I have been struggling with post-concussion syndrome since August 2023 when I tripped and fell at work, a likewise boring and undramatic fall that put me out of work for over half a year and I still have not recovered from despite being forced to go back to working when the workers comp ran out. Likewise my ability to access proper care was delayed and hampered by the bureaucracy and farce that is workers comp and the insurance industry's insistence that work injuries can't be treated with private insurance. I am still hoping to somehow recover. I, too, am a writer and avid reader, and a librarian, and losing the ability to read and write long-form has been likewise devastating to my identity. With no family to take me in, I have had to depend on friends here and there.
Your essay resonates with me like nothing else I have read since the accident about concussions. As another autistic woman with PCS, this has been my experience to a T. I hope your recovery continues and does not plateau like mine has. I have about a one-hour limit now for reading and writing, which is such a huge improvement over 2023 when I couldn't even decide whether to eat yogurt or crackers without severe pain. The physicality of thought was likewise surreal and something I reflect on a lot. Thank you so much for writing this.
Kate, this was a phenomenal piece. I cracked a big smile at that line about you as a "Siegmund of socialism, singing my songs about the woe of it all." I'm very glad that we have you singing your songs, we need them. Like Tom said elsewhere here, the world is a little less lonely because of your work. Danke :)
Thanks for writing this. I was nodding along through every section of this, and was glad of the reminder to become a paid subscriber to your work, which I try to stop and read the moment it lands in my inbox. Sending a lot of solidarity your way throughout your recovery, and a ton of gratitude for this forthright, complex, moving, and important essay.
I hope you feel better soon and that you know that you and your work is appreciated, regardless of your ability to write or your health. I've enjoyed your writing for almost a decade now, and it's had a profound impact on how I use language and communicate. Wishing you the best!
This took my back to my own traum’d brain injury, which also forced me back to the quiet routine of my parents house. Very beautiful, very honest, very happy to hear you’re doing better.
The dreams stay vivid by the way, a thing I have no control over but which I feel a stubborn pride for.
Kate I’m so glad the article helped and that things are starting to get better. Thanks for sharing your experience with others too. Concussions are TRULY the worst and anything that makes it easier for people experiencing them to get help and feel seen is so valuable.
I really enjoyed this piece, Kate, and strongly related to it as others did. I suffered a TBI (epidural hematoma) in 2018 and very nearly died. I also returned (was on a music program in Italy) to live with my parents, where I remained in an utterly black depression that was underscored by the fact that I’d lost the ability to play violin. I also tried to work my way out of my injury, and fortunately my stubbornness did lead to me regaining my chops. Mostly, I went on long walks or lay on my hardwood floor listening to Schubert and crying. It was the most challenging period of my life by far, but years later and it’s strange to say that I’m grateful for what it taught me.
I also was at the Salonen concert, funny enough. it wasn’t just the concussion - I was tearing up too.
Thanks for writing this. One thing I’ve found is that TBI survivors have a special solidarity and ability to find each other. For their varied agonies, there bring unexpected consolations.
I'm so glad to hear from you! Your voice is comforting in these trying times. This was a fascinating read (your style is as stellar as always, in case you were wondering!), moving in many ways. It's good that you were able to rest- but I'm so sorry for the lack of care you suffered. It is truly frightening.
I didn't go through TBI, but I did have lymphoma (during COVID too, because what better time to lose your immune system, right?), and I came out of that brush with death with a significantly better understanding of myself and my place in this world. May you find that same kind of blessing buried within the trauma. Sending you a lot of love.
I suffered a concussion last year a week after I had to defer from grad school from unforeseen financial difficulties. I was injured in a stupid way (helping a friend demonstrate how their uncle used to wallop them on the head) and I think I should have lied about how I had gotten my injury because the Urgent Care that made me wait for 3 hours for treatment only spoke to me for 2 minutes to give me a form that excused me from work for one day. The road was very blurry when I tried to drive after that day, and I was able to work 30 minutes before I made someone else take my shift. I tried working a few other times when I thought I should have been normal. My boss would call me every day to try to make me work after that until I quit, pretty much. I tried to go to a protest a month later and fell to my knees because the chanting made my ears ring. I can't wear earbuds anymore to listen to music. I'm finally going to the doctor next week to hopefully find a PT or specialist for getting a hold on this 1.5 years too late. Long time fan of your work--my mom used to drive me really slowly through Potomac, Maryland when we were in the area and she'd ask me my thoughts on all of the buildings which gave me a lifelong interest in architecture and it made me really love McMansion Hell when my teacher showed me it in high school. Sad to see you also deal with the lack of public health info regarding concussions. However: your prose in this really mundane piece about concussions is great so, to me, you've still got it. Had to make a substack to say this. Thanks for writing it.
thank you so much for your kind words! i hope you get the care you need. Also I recommend reaching out to the Concussion Legacy Foundation, who provide resources and support for people suffering from long-term concussion symptoms at no charge. They were able to point me in the right direction, give me advice for dealing with symptoms, and cut through all the bullshit.
This is just spectacularly beautiful. I wish you continued recovery while offering a fist bump of solidarity in the journey to de-couple the self from productivity. ❤️❤️❤️
I had a stroke in July 2023 and this all feels remarkably recognisable; different brain injury, somewhat similar effects. The sight of scans of my brain with a pair of dark voids where clots had previously formed that ought to be full of healthy brain cells, that is not going to leave me any time soon, and also really drove home the fact that I'm a bunch of vulnerable meat. I'm able to lurch around like a zombie, panting and sweating and hurting for reasons I don't understand, feeling eyes on me, but I find myself stressed by being in busy places to a level I've never known before, and I have so damn little stamina or strength, despite being physically big and pretty strong in The Before Times. I wish I still had a parent to rely on. Glad you do, though. Thankyou for this.
I'm sitting in back of a conference right now, trying very hard to not cry my eyes out. As one who has recovered (as much as one is able) from TBI, this was taking my own experience and putting it into words I didn't have, as I am not a writer. Thank you for sharing this. I am glad you're doing better, and am so glad to see you improving. I hope you are able to find a comfortable place in yourself that allows you to continue sharing your brilliant brain with us.
I don't know if you mentioned it and I missed it or if you are specifically not mentioning it for legal reasons, but if you haven't made a claim against the owners' property insurance, I would encourage you to look into it. I had a coworker whose adult child basically had to sue her to get insurance to pay for medical expenses when her grandson fell on her property and experienced a TBI.
I have been struggling with post-concussion syndrome since August 2023 when I tripped and fell at work, a likewise boring and undramatic fall that put me out of work for over half a year and I still have not recovered from despite being forced to go back to working when the workers comp ran out. Likewise my ability to access proper care was delayed and hampered by the bureaucracy and farce that is workers comp and the insurance industry's insistence that work injuries can't be treated with private insurance. I am still hoping to somehow recover. I, too, am a writer and avid reader, and a librarian, and losing the ability to read and write long-form has been likewise devastating to my identity. With no family to take me in, I have had to depend on friends here and there.
Your essay resonates with me like nothing else I have read since the accident about concussions. As another autistic woman with PCS, this has been my experience to a T. I hope your recovery continues and does not plateau like mine has. I have about a one-hour limit now for reading and writing, which is such a huge improvement over 2023 when I couldn't even decide whether to eat yogurt or crackers without severe pain. The physicality of thought was likewise surreal and something I reflect on a lot. Thank you so much for writing this.
Kate, this was a phenomenal piece. I cracked a big smile at that line about you as a "Siegmund of socialism, singing my songs about the woe of it all." I'm very glad that we have you singing your songs, we need them. Like Tom said elsewhere here, the world is a little less lonely because of your work. Danke :)
Thanks for writing this. I was nodding along through every section of this, and was glad of the reminder to become a paid subscriber to your work, which I try to stop and read the moment it lands in my inbox. Sending a lot of solidarity your way throughout your recovery, and a ton of gratitude for this forthright, complex, moving, and important essay.
I hope you feel better soon and that you know that you and your work is appreciated, regardless of your ability to write or your health. I've enjoyed your writing for almost a decade now, and it's had a profound impact on how I use language and communicate. Wishing you the best!
Listen I’m sorry all that happened but it did inspire me to rewatch The Conversation so silver lining I’d say.
That’s a joke. Feel better, the world needs your brain.
Don't feel bad, I watched it right after Gene Hackmann died and was like: wow, relatable!
Is there any movie where the opening and closing shots are both top 5s?
This took my back to my own traum’d brain injury, which also forced me back to the quiet routine of my parents house. Very beautiful, very honest, very happy to hear you’re doing better.
The dreams stay vivid by the way, a thing I have no control over but which I feel a stubborn pride for.
Kate I’m so glad the article helped and that things are starting to get better. Thanks for sharing your experience with others too. Concussions are TRULY the worst and anything that makes it easier for people experiencing them to get help and feel seen is so valuable.
I really enjoyed this piece, Kate, and strongly related to it as others did. I suffered a TBI (epidural hematoma) in 2018 and very nearly died. I also returned (was on a music program in Italy) to live with my parents, where I remained in an utterly black depression that was underscored by the fact that I’d lost the ability to play violin. I also tried to work my way out of my injury, and fortunately my stubbornness did lead to me regaining my chops. Mostly, I went on long walks or lay on my hardwood floor listening to Schubert and crying. It was the most challenging period of my life by far, but years later and it’s strange to say that I’m grateful for what it taught me.
I also was at the Salonen concert, funny enough. it wasn’t just the concussion - I was tearing up too.
Thanks for writing this. One thing I’ve found is that TBI survivors have a special solidarity and ability to find each other. For their varied agonies, there bring unexpected consolations.
birding has brought me back from the brink more times than i can count. i’m convinced it can cure all physical and moral disease.
I'm so glad to hear from you! Your voice is comforting in these trying times. This was a fascinating read (your style is as stellar as always, in case you were wondering!), moving in many ways. It's good that you were able to rest- but I'm so sorry for the lack of care you suffered. It is truly frightening.
I didn't go through TBI, but I did have lymphoma (during COVID too, because what better time to lose your immune system, right?), and I came out of that brush with death with a significantly better understanding of myself and my place in this world. May you find that same kind of blessing buried within the trauma. Sending you a lot of love.
glad you are back! the world is lonelier without you!
I suffered a concussion last year a week after I had to defer from grad school from unforeseen financial difficulties. I was injured in a stupid way (helping a friend demonstrate how their uncle used to wallop them on the head) and I think I should have lied about how I had gotten my injury because the Urgent Care that made me wait for 3 hours for treatment only spoke to me for 2 minutes to give me a form that excused me from work for one day. The road was very blurry when I tried to drive after that day, and I was able to work 30 minutes before I made someone else take my shift. I tried working a few other times when I thought I should have been normal. My boss would call me every day to try to make me work after that until I quit, pretty much. I tried to go to a protest a month later and fell to my knees because the chanting made my ears ring. I can't wear earbuds anymore to listen to music. I'm finally going to the doctor next week to hopefully find a PT or specialist for getting a hold on this 1.5 years too late. Long time fan of your work--my mom used to drive me really slowly through Potomac, Maryland when we were in the area and she'd ask me my thoughts on all of the buildings which gave me a lifelong interest in architecture and it made me really love McMansion Hell when my teacher showed me it in high school. Sad to see you also deal with the lack of public health info regarding concussions. However: your prose in this really mundane piece about concussions is great so, to me, you've still got it. Had to make a substack to say this. Thanks for writing it.
thank you so much for your kind words! i hope you get the care you need. Also I recommend reaching out to the Concussion Legacy Foundation, who provide resources and support for people suffering from long-term concussion symptoms at no charge. They were able to point me in the right direction, give me advice for dealing with symptoms, and cut through all the bullshit.
This is just spectacularly beautiful. I wish you continued recovery while offering a fist bump of solidarity in the journey to de-couple the self from productivity. ❤️❤️❤️
I had a stroke in July 2023 and this all feels remarkably recognisable; different brain injury, somewhat similar effects. The sight of scans of my brain with a pair of dark voids where clots had previously formed that ought to be full of healthy brain cells, that is not going to leave me any time soon, and also really drove home the fact that I'm a bunch of vulnerable meat. I'm able to lurch around like a zombie, panting and sweating and hurting for reasons I don't understand, feeling eyes on me, but I find myself stressed by being in busy places to a level I've never known before, and I have so damn little stamina or strength, despite being physically big and pretty strong in The Before Times. I wish I still had a parent to rely on. Glad you do, though. Thankyou for this.